27th April 08

there are so many things in my mind any i realli cant take it any more... i just dunno how to put into words... i guess it so that one of my brother in my community that i'm very troubled and many things are in my mind...

1st my granny in the hospital and my dad and his siblings are all so fuck up people put her in the old age home and now in the hospital suffering and i feel so bad as a grand son doing nothing for her and the only thing i can do now is to see her, talk to her and pray with her

2nd my dad have another woman and i reali hate her... i knew it since the day she step in our house and its bringing lots of harm to my dad and some more i'm affected... its my biggest cross

why cant things just fall the thing how a normal family... every sunday go to church see the families get to gather and i can realli see the love is there is the family... why God put me in the broken family and the hardest to show love to me... i feel so unloved if i would have a mother's love that would make my day... how i wish that i have a girlfriend that understands me and love me but the true is not i have none

~fonz-jm